- Not quite near but never too far - Too much closeness raises the expectations on both sides while distance often breeds doubt. So, it is important to strike the right balance. Discuss with your spouse about the expectations from his/her family, convey those of your lot and decide to draw up the guidelines based on mutual understanding.And have patience. Just like everything else, it takes time and effort the reach there.
- Let your spouse take up the primary role in all communications with your in-laws - Your spouse has spent their entire life with the your in-laws so naturally he or she is the best judge as to their emotions. He or she should be the one to break any news that needs delicate handling.That does not mean that you should stay out of the loop. Do step in and let your opinions/decisions be known. The key is to appear involved and not just domineering.
- Set boundaries - Usually there are a lot of expectations from the son's wife. But at the same time, you happen to be an individual with your own choices and way of living. Do respect your in-laws and do not succumb to their diktats.In the initial days of your marriage, you may be eager to please everyone in order to gain acceptance. But once the honeymoon period gets over and you are faced with the challenges of maintaining a work-life balance, it becomes a burden that you no longer willing to shoulder.
- No Badmouthing - After all, your spouse is only human. Since you happen to be married to the person, you need to accept him or her as a complete package. Flaws and all included. If it is a habit that you find particularly bothersome, the best recourse is to talk it out with him or her. It is only the individual who has the power and will to change himself.Sometimes kids tend to pick up habits from their parents and in such a situation, it will only make matters worse if you point it out to your in-laws.
- No sharing your marital issues with your parents - That is what friends are for ! Parents have a natural ( read 'born') allegiance when it comes to their own children. So every time you run to your parents after a fight, you are jeopardizing the chances of making a success out of your marriage. Agreed some of them will remain objective in any given situation, but their tendency to take sides might leave you feeling victimized.So unless they are happy to sit on the fence, which itself is an exceptional scenario, drop the idea of ringing them up at the drop of a hat !
" How people treat you is their Karma; How you react is yours. "
By Sweta Biswal