To our children we play a dual role as parents and as mentors.....ohhh yeah "real mentors," still learning ourselves.Our achievement is at teaching our kids most favorable behavior so that they find it easier to construct deeper and meaningful relationship with others throughout their lives.we may not get a perfect response but we can't leave them in the middle road, therefore have to continue to connect, to interact,engage and empower our dear children through the times. So parents come on get roll your sleeves and start arming your child with the following simple skills to overcome their problems. Turn your little ones to "superman"or" powerpuffs"!!!!!!
- How to get your kids to stop fighting &help them to learn get along:
The most effective and important thing you can do is stop your kids from fighting and arguing is "don't yell at kids"I know its easier to say than to follow but to instill values,its you who need to practice first.If mom or dad yells at the kids on regular basis,kids are going to yell at each other on regular basis . There's no peace,only loads of shouts.On the other hand,if you do your best not to shout ,you can easily find it easier to explain them that your family lives in a home where relationships are valued and shouts,yells,fights have no place in it.Activate no tolerance policy for yelling,hitting,punching,
- Teaching kids techniques to self-calm:
This is another piece of a challenge almost 99%of us have never practiced or learned to regulate our own emotions as kids,so these skills we don't model so well.when your kids are in a calm mood, discuss with them about a list of tantrums you prepared to use it which might help them to calm down when they are angry over any issues.A civil discussion sorts out many impossibilities.
- "Play the drums."
- "Express your anger in your notebook or ipad"
- "Dig a hole in the back yard and bury your angers"
- "Count backwards from 100."
- "Breathe deeply"
- "Put on headphones and dance to the tunes"
- "Put on your gloves and punch on a punching bag"
- "Kick your soccer ball hard outside".
- "Write a poem"
- "Ride your bike"
- "Play Frisbee"
Paste this list on your fridge and ask little ones to follow .
- .Teach your kids that anger is a reaction to more vulnerable feelings like hurt or fear:
Understanding the hidden feelings of a child is always more effective to diffuse anger.
"I saw you were very angry with Natasha,dear.I wonder if you are hurt that she didn't appreciate your idea."
More importantly we find in most houses siblings use the word"hate",like "I hate her/him." Well, hate is not a feeling-it's a stance-a position we take not to co operate and refuse to get connected.Here the feelings are deeply hurt and need to be nourished with love and empathy.Kids need more love when they" deserve least".
- Cultivate empathy in your kids:-
If kids don't understand different emotions ,they cannot be expected to understand other people's feelings.You play a role model by being sensitive to others feelings and in a way help kids to cultivate empathy. When you react with your kids with warmth ,concern or are sympathetic to other people 's feelings,you are teaching the young hearts to react to others with concern .mimicking is a human nature and kids love to mimic their parents most.
- "I know you are upset."
- "I can see you are frustrated. "
- "Saad has hurt himself .I wonder if we can do anything to help him." This is the beginning of familiarizing your kids to emotions.
- Teach kids to explore other perspectives:
The world is a home of different people,but despite our differences we are all united by our similarities.Tutor your kids about these different people.Look for books about the variant cultures and share them with your children.Read or share other people's experiences with them and ask them to imagine how others feel,or what they go through,can help kids to develop empathy to a greater extent.
- Intervening in a sibling fight:
It is sometimes important to intervene in a sibling fight where one child is the bully and the other is the victim.As a parent you need to guide them to resolve the conflict on their own ,then you can never be accused of taking the sides.The most common mistakes parents commit is that they think they have to decide who is right and what the solution should be,but ...no...that's not your job as a parent. You are not a judge,a referee. Instead,your job is to see that all the siblings feel that they are equally loved,nurtured, & supported and set limits on the disruptions that cause constant fight.You talk with your child individually and together about what it means to be good friend and family member.Teach them to put up with other people's differences.You need to instill family values and to love unconditionally. Help your kids to be expressive.
- Building resilience through humor in children:
Sense of healthy humor among parents popularize them.Good humor is the gateway to unrestrained dialogue in families and relieves stress in life. Scientifically it reduces stress hormones, stimulates endorphins and strengthens the immune system.In one word humor keeps you happy and delighted.Family time is stress free and delightful. Gloomy parents just can't enjoy the essence of life .they are more likely to drag their kidsto down in the dumps.from several researches we learned that children are genetically humorous.If we laugh often our kids will join us. Be silly they will be silly. Be merry and playful they will be the same.
Well a few tips are narrowed here to help you out:
- 6----12 or 15months of age Through several studies is proven that babies at this age find anything unexpected and autonomous especially if the whole idea involves mommy and daddy.
simple games with parents put babies in giggles. By the age of 1 babies rely on their own sense of humor.
- 3--4--------or---5 years Excitement!!!!! To put kids to giggles simply just put things wrongly,like you put your hat on your toe ,your bag around your neck and what your tender sweet hearts laugh till their stomach ache.
At this age, telling silly stories to kids generate huge applaud from them,like tigers fly and birds swim or dogs mew and cats barked.Make these funny sounds of animals and they will switch to laughter .
- 2------3--or---4 years Silly !!!silly!!!silly
Calling to wrong names to things make children laugh too...like ...that's not an apple it's a red ball!!! That's not a pen it's a toothbrush!!!!
- 5---7-----8 years Real funny riddles
starting of humorous children begin using riddles and jokes...it's the beginning of their real interactions with teachers or mentors. They can comprehend that jokes have more than one meaning and they love to use silly punches to brighten up their surroundings. They equally love to joke with their friends.the phrases they use sometimes put us,parents to ponder "Is this real my own little buddy!!!!!"
As parents we strive many traits to develop in our children but in a proper way and in a proper time really counts because we need to take care of them in a more positive and nourishing way.
By Arshi Javed