Stay cool.Gather your wits.We are going to get through this together. They are physically smaller and vulnerable, they depend on you for everything and they have few choices they are allowed to make. Our kids only want our attention, love and agreement. They want us to understand them and their feelings;just what we want from them.Always remember that your response is going to shape your child's life.Make the bottom line to your children that you are their confidante,fixer,helper and biggest cheerleader and together your a great team!!!! Here are our expert's guide for navigating life's scariest perils and everyday frustration.
Stay Cool and Peaceful: When your teenager or kid gets into a difficulty don't panic and don't start shouting in disappointment. Be loving, caring and listen to what they say by approaching them in a polite manner. If they know that you will not scold or spank them they are more likely to confide in you.
Advice: Be sure to give good advice to your little ones when they come to you in a cranky mood. Don't be too professional and don't make it too short. Make sure they clearly understand what you are trying to say and try to understand what they are trying to say. Don't increase their worries and tell them that they are not different from other kids. (Don't be violent to take action against whoever is bullying them, play smart and clean.)
An Open relationship: Assure that your kid can share any topic with you. No matter how embarrassing it is it can always be discussed. Be a friend, not a judge. Tell them that you are always ready to hear to whatever they say.This attitude will help them to be honest,unfiltered and will speak to you freely.Please be patient and open.Clear and trusting relationship where you have to be mindful of the ways you parent them now.It is now that you are laying the foundations for your relationships with your little buddies in the years to come.
Pay attention: Be careful to watch their moods and their behavior when they are close to you. Don't spy on them because it might make them feel uncomfortable. Pay them a good amount of attention so that they may share their feelings with you when asked. We need to admire them and respect them for who they are......with unconditional love,support and understanding, you must deliver your children the vivid message that not only will you always accept them for who they are,you will always support and help them with kindness and understanding when they are having a hard time. Your kids must understand and believe that you confide on them and are proud of who they are no matter the shortcomings they may be attributed and you can easily relay the message to them in your interactions with themi strongly believe from my own experiences the unconditional love and understanding will give them the confidence they need to confide in you at least then when they will have harder times in lives.
Be discreet: Donot share your child's secrets with anyone. If you do not know how to react ask a trusted friend but donot mention your child's secret. Revealing his/her secrets might diminish their relationship and friendliness with you.
Dual time: Spend time with your child with only you and him/her. You can do this in a restuarant or in a room in your house. Show them that you save time for them and that you love them. Start this method when your child is little and continue as he/she grows into a teenager. Even some teens are in the quest of parental affection. Children are more likely to answer your questions and to tell you about their lives when they are enjoying time with the family.
Action:- It may be that your child has made a mistake or has caused mischief. Instead of attacking them with guns and swords try to relax and calmly solve deal with the problem. Make sure they understand why what they have done is wrong and why they shouldn't do it again. DO NOT get violent. At the end inform them that you expect better from them in the future.A child who feels their worth is measured by results,achievements,and good behavior will soon need to see,hear and feel parental approval to gain confidence and continue moving forward.
Acknowledge physical and emotional hurt:
When your little ones fall or bump their knees and begin to whine or cry,then be kind enough to let them apprehend that you empathize with their pain.The hurt may be only a little scrape but you mustn't try to stop their tears by warming them that it's only a scratch if the buddy is too upset. By finding something to distract them with or dismissing their pain rather than acknowledging their discomfort and offering some ointments ,you are relaying a bad message ,you don't want to hear about their hurts .You only want them to be happy. Empathize with them ,nourish their pain with soft comfort words.That's gonna heal them from inside, "and believe me an unseen strong confident relationship will take roots".
Similarly, when a child is feeling emotional about a particular circumstances those may seem simple or stupid to you as adults, do acknowledge and give importance to their feelings.IT IS a big deal to them so again its important to express to them that you understand and empathize .Parenting is easy when your kids are happy and satisfied with time.It is when they are sad, hurt,angry or frustrated that you can truly let them know of your unconditional love,understanding and acceptance.
These simple steps can bring you closer to your child than ever. Do incorporate the tools and techniques pointed out in this article. Be sure to show your love and care to them and they will approach you more often when troubled.
When your children are hurt,you will empathize,when they scream ,you will listen.When they make mistakes,hold their hands support and guide them.When they are in pain,lock them in your arms and hug them .When they reject you , understand their situation continue loving them .......that's real parenting .....this must be your pledge to your children.You can choose to be the person who sets foundation for a different style of parenting that will get passed down for generations to come. Happy parenting with more positivity
By Arshi Javed